The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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