Tell her she can't have a vagina
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
