Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
