Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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