So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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