i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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