I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
