he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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