Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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