i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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