I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
