Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We have so much sex to catch up on
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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