Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize