Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
well you can't waste a boner
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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