theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
