did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
