Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
