God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
