How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
