i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize