It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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