I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
there was a trapeze. enough said
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
