ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
God, I missed his penis.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
