Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
