he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
