It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Randomize
