Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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