I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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