Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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