I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
