Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
