I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
