I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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