I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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