hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
