I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
