the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
