neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
