I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
