shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize