I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
