This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
last night I used snow as a chaser
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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