Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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