Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
