so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
