i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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