I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
