he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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