I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
