i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
