Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
