you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
