btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
