So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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