mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
