he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
