Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
