Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
They took my balls.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Do you remember whose house we're in?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
