just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
why do cheetos always look like penises
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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