I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
