I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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