I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
