If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
