You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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