He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize