every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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