i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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