Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
where are my eyebrows?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
