Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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