getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
