your thong is hanging out like whoa
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
