Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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