My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
