I just cut my nipple shaving
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
