Taylor Swift is so right about you.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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