i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
