Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I believe in your delicious
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize